Initial Instinct
by rose-sunrise
Summary: An AU in which Kyle decides to trust his gut feeling long enough to reconsider confronting Jimmy in the midst of a drug-fuelled rage. He asks for another opinion, gets some superior advice and waits until morning. Therefore, he never gets hit by a car. Kyle lives. Tom x Kyle
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: A split second decision that changes everything

Anger and frustration flashing over his face after that awful scene Jimmy had caused, Kyle rushed home and began to shove Jimmy's things into a duffel bag. Blake had left him a voicemail; dumping him cold before he'd even got home or tried to explain. When the brightness of his anger had faded a little, Kyle ended up staring at a photo strip of Jimmy and himself, pulling silly faces and having fun together. He froze for a split second, pressing his lips tightly together as he wondered to himself what the hell he was doing. Was this a good idea? He'd tried everything else to fix Jimmy, so kicking him out might be a good idea, yet his initial instinct had been to wait until morning. That way Kyle would have a chance to calm down and Jimmy would have sobered up and come down from whatever he'd taken. But, Ana and Karen had seemed convinced he should talk to Jimmy tonight, so he wasn't sure what he should do. He was used to dealing with Jimmy when he was strung out, used to chasing after him and cleaning up his messes. And Kyle knew that you couldn't get a word through Jimmy's skull when he was high. He would just lash out at you, make you feel even worse and not listen at all. It was usually better to wait until he'd come down, much easier to reason with him after that.

Sighing, Kyle decided to take a break from packing to think about it. He should really call Tom anyway. They'd been supposed to meet up tonight and since he didn't feel like seeing anyone, it would only be polite to call and cancel.

Tom picked up his phone quickly, saying cheerily "Hi Kyle. Not that I'm not pleased to hear from you but aren't we supposed to be meeting up in a couple of hours?"

Kyle winced and replied "Hi Tom. About that, I'm not feeling up to doing anything tonight."

Frowning, Tom responded "Hey, that's fine Kyle, but is something wrong? You sound off somehow." He paused, twitching his mouth to the right in thought before deciding to continue. "Plus, you seemed excited when we made plans yesterday. I mean, if you don't want to keep seeing me, that's fine, just let me know. You don't even have to explain. But if that's not why you're cancelling, if something's wrong, I'd like to know that too. So, is everything alright?"

Closing his eyes in resignation, Kyle returned "Yeah, I'm fine. It's not you, you're pretty great, Tom, and I'd like to reschedule. It's just..."

He trailed off and took a deep breath as Tom gently prompted him with "It's just what, Kyle?"

"Jimmy. It's Jimmy" Kyle said firmly as he wondered to himself if maybe Tom could help. He'd been in the industry long enough that he'd probably run into someone with drug problems before and he might be able to offer some advice.

Decision made, Kyle started rambling, gripping tightly to his phone "He's a mess and I just don't know what to do any more. I was planning on kicking him out tonight, I was halfway through packing his stuff and Ana and Karen said I should confront him tonight. That I should do it before I lose my nerve, but I don't know. He's high and he screwed everything up tonight, the show and Blake and Karen and me. I'm upset and I want to kick him out but I think I should wait until he's sobered up." Frustrated tears rising to his eyes, Kyle continued "I don't know. I've tried everything. I've yelled at him about his drug use. I've flushed his stash down the toilet. When that didn't work, I tried a gentler approach, trying to be supportive and get him to cut down on his drug use gradually. I've tried to reason with him, appeal to him intellectually. I know he's smart enough to understand that he can't keep doing this! I've patted his back when he's throwing up at all hours and told him he's going to be fine and let him scream at me at 4AM in the morning. I've run around the city all night trying to find him when he didn't come home after his latest bender. I have dragged his sorry ass out of the gutter, cleaned him up, given him a place to stay and made sure he kept a job. I've tried everything!" he yelled. Voice lowering a little, he cried out helplessly with pain swimming through his eyes "And nothing seems to work. Nothing! He gets better for a while, and he apologises and promises that things will change, but they never do. It's just the same thing over and over again and I can't take it any more! I want my best friend back, not to deal with this, this shell that blames the world for everything and lashes out at everyone but won't grow up and do a damn thing to help himself." Kyle cut his rant off abruptly, staring down at the floor with pursed lips and adding in a defeated tone "Oh God, I'm sorry Tom. I just called to cancel tonight, not to yell at you. As you can hear, I'm not really fit for company at the moment. But then I thought you might be able to help and I just started rambling. I didn't mean to go off on you like that. So, sorry again, and um, rain check?"

Tom waited a moment, eyebrows raised and mouth still parted in shock as he waited to see if Kyle had finished talking. Quickly composing his expression, he spoke gently "Hey, it's fine Kyle. I wasn't expecting that, but you obviously needed to talk to someone. I'm glad you called me. I definitely agree that you should wait to confront Jimmy until he's come down from whatever he took. Kyle, Ana and Karen mean well, but it's generally not a good idea to try to reason with an addict if you have the option of waiting until they've cleaned and sobered up. He'll just lash out at you and it sounds like you already know that. It won't hurt to wait until tomorrow and it will give you a chance to calm down too. So, I think you did the right thing by stopping to think about it. I'm also glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to talk about this. Uh, can I ask what happened tonight to precipitate that little speech though? I'd like to help you, but I need to catch up first. I know he's your best friend and this has obviously been brewing for some time, but I'm assuming something in particular happened tonight?" Tom frowned as he waited for a response.

Kyle clenched his hands and declared, "Yeah, he was a complete jerk." Rolling his eyes, Kyle continued sarcastically "Classic Jimmy, when something doesn't go his way it's always somebody else's fault. It's not like he might have been fired for something he actually did, like going on a week long bender, turning up late constantly, costing us the cover of that magazine and topping it off tonight being high on stage and dropping Karen. She's fine but she was bleeding for God's sake!" Kyle stopped to take several deep breaths to cool his temper, forcing his hands open gradually and relaxing his death grip on his phone. "It was messed up. When I told him that he'd been fired and that I'd agreed it was the right thing to do, he got up on the bar in a room full of Broadway fans and Blake. Jimmy then started ranting that I'd screwed him over the second I'd had the chance. He decided it was a good idea to stand there and tell Blake that by the way, I'd been screwing you last week. He made it sound so sordid. I told him that in confidence and he decided to break my trust and tell the whole world!" Kyle finished breathing heavily as anger, frustration, embarrassment and pain coursed through him in equal measure.

Tom sighed, crossing his arms and commenting "Well, it's not ideal, but I can live with my name being dragged through the gossip pages for a few days. It won't be the first time and I'm not ashamed of being linked to you." Face twisting in hesitation, he stuttered slightly as he continued "Umm, Blake though, I thought you were going to break up with him. I know that we aren't exclusive, so I'm not mad. But I thought you said were going to break up with him after last time. Uh, I really like you and I was hoping when I saw you tonight that you'd be single and I could ask you on a date. Officially, I mean."

Giving a huff of surprised laughter, Kyle enquired "Tom Levitt, are you seriously asking me to be your boyfriend now? After I just yelled at you for five minutes straight about my screwed-up best friend? You're a strange man, Levitt." Kyle spoke as he shook his head in amused disbelief.

Tom's eyebrows were still furrowed uncertainly as he shrugged slightly and replied. "I like you. I'd hoped I'd made that obvious when I decided to serenade you in the middle of the night. But, it's fine if you don't want to. I'd still like to help. So, about Jimmy..."

"Tom, wait a minute" Kyle interrupted with a slightly-crazed grin, mind unsure how to deal with the surprising joy of Tom's declaration after the night he'd had. "I didn't mean that I was saying no. Your timing is odd, but yes. I like you too and I'd like to try dating you. Apparently I like strange." Tom laughed softly before Kyle blushed slightly and continued "Ah, given the circumstances I think I'd better be clear that I mean yes to dating you exclusively." Nodding decisively, Kyle raised his voice in question, requesting "Now, can we get back to my unstable best friend, please?"

Tom's lips swept up into a soft grin as he murmured warmly "Sure. Sure, we can do that. Kyle, I'm really happy you said yes."

They both stood still and quiet for a minute, just breathing and absorbing the moment with closed eyes as Kyle's lips moved into a small smile too. Taking a deep breath and snapping his eyes open and his mind back to the situation at hand, Tom asked softly "Actually, Kyle, why don't I come over and we can talk about Jimmy face-to-face? I know you said you weren't in the mood to meet up tonight, but it might take a while to talk this situation with Jimmy through. I'd prefer to see you rather than keep talking over the phone." He gave Kyle a moment to respond and then offered in an alluring tone "I could bring a bottle of wine. We could talk this whole thing over and discuss what you want to do next. Besides, I'd really like to kiss my brand new boyfriend tonight." He bit his bottom lip and continued "But, it's up to you. If you'd prefer to be alone tonight and just talk over the phone, that's fine. I'm good right here if that's what you want to do." Stretching the words out, he added carefully "Or, I can come over. So, what do you want?"

Bringing his hand up to skim tiredly through his hair, Kyle declared "Come over. Please. Red wine and a kiss from my new boyfriend sounds perfect after the night I've had. His name's Tom, you know. Nice guy" he joked, voice still a little strained but his eyes much brighter.

Tom softly said with a grin, voice lilting up over the words "Is he now? That's good to know. Kyle, I'm going to head out now. Okay?" Grabbing his keys and swiftly choosing a bottle of wine from his cupboard, Tom's eyes widened in mild shock before he dropped his head into his hand briefly in resignation. "Um, after you give me directions, that is. You've always come here because I don't have a roommate to worry about and I've only just realised that I don't actually know your address." Smiling self-deprecatingly he observed "Which would absolutely come in handy when I try to find your place. Sorry, I'm such an idiot sometimes."

Exhaling out a soft chuckle, Kyle remarked "Hey, don't worry about it Tom. I'll just give you the directions." Face slipping into a frown, he continued "After all, there's no need for me to go to your place this time to avoid Jimmy."

With a wry smile, Tom said quietly "Yeah, I guess that won't be a problem tonight." After they'd exchanged directions, Tom said "I'll be there as soon as I can, okay Kyle? Just sit tight. And Kyle," he finished tenderly, "Thanks for calling me tonight. And for saying yes."

* * *

Author's note: So, I got distracted this week while writing the next chapter of Hospitals and Hope, and this happened. Obviously I couldn't use it for H&H since the premise was completely different, but the idea was pretty clear in my head so I ended up writing it anyway. I haven't got anything else planned for this one at the moment but I'm considering returning to this after H&H is done. Until then, it will have to stand as a one-shot. I hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to hear from you! Cheers, Rose.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: So, apparently this didn't end up waiting until after I finished H&H. Oops. Oh well, I had some more ideas and decided to just go with it, so I hope you enjoy! Thanks for the feedback; it's lovely to hear from you and it's definitely great encouragement to keep writing! Cheers, Rose

* * *

Chapter 2: A moment to relax

Shortly after hanging up with Tom, Kyle found himself sitting on the couch with his legs crossed tightly beneath him. His head was reclined back at an awkward angle, the muscles in his neck protesting slightly at their treatment. Kyle knew his posture painted the dejected picture of his internal turmoil but he simply couldn't bring himself to care. There was no one else there to see it anyway. With a deep sigh and tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, Kyle unfolded his legs and brought them up to his chest. He hugged them tightly before dropping his head onto his knees. Kyle hoped Tom would hurry up and get here soon; he knew it would take a little time to get out to Brooklyn, but he really wanted to see Tom. With a warm rush of affection and a wistful smile, he thought about his new boyfriend and how much better he'd felt simply hearing Tom's voice over the phone. Tom was the only bright point in the terrible evening he'd had and Kyle really wanted to talk with him again.

Sitting in his apartment by himself, he felt increasingly jittery and unbalanced with each passing minute; worried over the right thing to do about Jimmy and thoroughly embarrassed and angry over the scene from the bar. After listening to Tom's advice, Kyle had finally felt secure in his hesitance to confront Jimmy tonight and decided to trust his initial instinct to wait until morning. However, he still desperately needed to talk to someone about what to do then and he trusted Tom. Kyle's relationship with his lifelong best friend was tearing apart at the seams, much like Jimmy himself, and Kyle felt completely at a loss about how to fix either. He was so exhausted from having to be the strong one for Jimmy all the time, day after day. Kyle wanted someone to support him for once, to be in his corner. He wouldn't even have minded so much if his unwavering support had affected Jimmy, had helped him to get better. Unfortunately as he'd told Tom, nothing seemed to work; nothing was ever enough.

Kyle sighed again, feeling utterly drained after the events of the evening. Problems with Jimmy aside, Kyle felt so ashamed that he had cheated on Blake. The fact that he didn't regret being with Tom only made him feel even guiltier. Kyle had always believed he was the kind of man who would never cheat on his boyfriend and now he felt disillusioned in his own character. Even though he knew Blake and he weren't serious and being with Tom felt incredibly right, Kyle was seriously disappointed in himself. He was also embarrassed and upset about most likely ending up in Broadway's gossip pages over the next few days. It wasn't the first time Jimmy had made a scene but before it had always passed relatively unnoticed because they were both completely unknown. Now that Hit List was doing well and in the public eye, Kyle couldn't expect that kind of scene to pass under the radar any more, though he felt absolutely terrible about dragging Tom and Blake through the mud with him. It wasn't helpful that Jimmy had intimated that Kyle was in love with Jimmy and that would be splashed around as well; the cliché of the gay guy hopelessly in love with his straight best friend.

God, why did Jimmy's default pain response have to be lashing out at anyone within reach? Why couldn't he have just yelled at Kyle later in private? He could have still been just as nasty, but at least it wouldn't have ended up in the news! Damn it! He frowned, pursing his lips tightly together. Well, to be fair to Jimmy, Kyle had cheated on Blake and that was his responsibility and his fault alone. All the same, Kyle would really have appreciated the opportunity to tell Blake himself and in private. Blake deserved at least that much consideration after Kyle's actions. Kyle rubbed his hand over his eyes, halting the motion to hold his fingers there with a groan. Great, he thought to himself sardonically as he felt the first pangs of a tension headache niggling at his mind. That would make his evening much better. His arms tightened around his knees as he wished that he could just quiet his brain for a moment, relax and forget awhile the mistakes he'd made and the night he'd had.

Mind spinning back to Tom, Kyle's lips twitched upwards again as his emotions flitted crazily between joy from his boyfriend and despair from the rest of his evening, leaving him feeling decidedly unbalanced. He hoped that Tom might be able to help with that, to help him feel more grounded and to figure out how best to assist Jimmy. Kyle also planned on taking Tom up on his offer of kissing. Kyle knew that he couldn't think about anyone or anything else when he kissed Tom. All he could focus on was the incredible man in his arms and the intensity of the feelings their kisses induced. He chuckled suddenly, thinking that Tom's reaction over not knowing Kyle's address had been really cute. Tom had sounded so shocked the first instant he'd realised that he didn't actually know the address of the man he'd just asked to be his boyfriend.

Kyle was still grinning when he jolted upright at the sudden rapping on his front door, his heart pounding from the fright of the unexpected noise. Eyes a little panicked and his hand over his heart to calm himself from the rush of adrenaline, Kyle dashed over to the door. Feeling slightly ridiculous, Kyle crossed his fingers with the hope it was Tom at the door and not a strung out and unpredictable Jimmy. He just wasn't prepared to deal with Jimmy right now. Looking through the security peephole as he held his breath, Kyle immediately smiled, his eyes radiating relief and his breathing rushing out at the welcome sight of his new boyfriend standing in the hallway. Fingers slipping over the latch, Kyle swiftly unlocked the door and swung it open in wordless invitation for Tom to step over the threshold. The second he did so, Kyle immediately moved to shut and lock the door behind him before turning around silently to face the older man.

Tom softly said "Hello" but Kyle said nothing in response, instead staring at him for a long moment and eliciting a worried frown in return. Tom then gently asked "Hey, are you alright, Kyle?" His frown deepened, furrowing between his eyebrows as Kyle still didn't respond, instead lurching forward directly into Tom's body.

Tugging Tom's head down, Kyle watched the other man's eyes register surprise at the sudden motion before they slid shut in anticipation and Kyle crashed their lips together. Tom's arms come up instantly to hold his clearly upset lover, one hand still gripping fast to the neck of the wine bottle as he wrapped it around Kyle. Tom's other arm moved to rub up and down Kyle's back in a soothing motion. Kyle sagged deeply into the kiss, drawing away almost immediately and blindly burying his face into Tom's neck. Kyle slipped one arm under Tom's arm and up to rest over his shoulder blade and the other down from his neck to curl around his lower back, pressing the two of them firmly together. Kyle then breathed in his boyfriend's familiar scent deeply, hands clutching tightly to the back of Tom's jacket as Kyle melted into him, trusting in the older man's strength to keep him upright. Kyle shakily mumbled "Hi Tom" into his boyfriend's neck, his lips rubbing against the soft skin and causing Tom to shiver at the tingling sensation the brushing touch evoked.

After several minutes and a couple of escaped tears of frustration that had been barely withheld earlier, Kyle drew back to look at Tom. Still ensconced in his arms, Kyle blushed slightly and commented "Um, sorry about just collapsing on you there. I just needed a minute." His eyes a little glazed with the remnants of his tears, Kyle moved his hand to graze over Tom's chest as he murmured "Thank you for coming over tonight Tom. I'm glad you found the place okay." He gave a quick grin and continued "Now, I seem to remember you promised kissing."

Heart filling with affection, Tom said gently "Of course, we can do that. Listen Kyle, you don't have to apologise for taking a moment or for needing me. I like you. I want to help. I am curious though what you call the moment when I first came in if that didn't count as kissing." He shot Kyle a silly grin "Maybe I'm just remembering it better than it really was."

Kyle simultaneously groaned and gave a little huff of laughter before he returned "I'm not going to be able to get away with anything with you, am I? I would call that moment a greeting." He then returned Tom's cheeky grin with amusement dancing in his eyes.

Tom gave Kyle a gentle squeeze as the sides of Tom's mouth lifted up further "Would you now? Well then, I like your greetings. I like you. And I am definitely on board with anything involving more kissing. Just let me put the wine down first, the way I'm holding it has to be digging into your side. Besides, I'm worried I might drop it and I want both my hands free."

Kyle sighed but pulled away long enough for Tom to set the bottle down on the little square table next to the door. Kyle then stepped back into Tom's welcoming arms, one hand sliding back to rest on Tom's shoulder blade and the other grazing up the back of his boyfriend's neck and into his hair.

Tom arms closed tightly around him, right arm sliding back down to press warm and open palmed at the base of Kyle's spine and the other reaching up to span over the nape of Kyle's neck, gently pulling him close. He then grinned brightly and leaned down as he hummed lightheartedly "Hmm, I think you said something about kissing you just now. Maybe you could remind me..." In response, Kyle tilted his chin up to meet him halfway. Tom glided his lips over Kyle's, smooth and lingering, the touch a feather-light caress as the wisps of their breaths puffed between them and Kyle shuddered in his arms. Tom paused, moving back for a moment to make sure Kyle was okay before rubbing their noses together as he changed the angle and Kyle kissed him back with interest.

After several long moments Kyle smiled into the kiss, pulling back to rest his forehead against Tom's and murmuring "Thank you, Tom. This was exactly what I needed tonight."

Tom smiled softly at him, adding quietly "I'm glad. Anytime, just let me know." He punctuated his words by smoothing over Kyle's chest repeatedly in a warm caress.

Kyle slid his hand up to join Tom's over his heart, twining their fingers together and squaring his shoulders as he refocused on the events of the night. He felt ready to deal with the situation now, calmer and settled instead of helpless as his emotions whirled wildly through him. "Right. Back to Jimmy, then." Leaning up for a final peck on Tom's lips Kyle slipped out of Tom's embrace, keeping their hands firmly clasped together as he moved. He picked up the wine and led Tom to the kitchen to grab up a couple of wine glasses. Kyle then headed back to the couch he'd been sitting on earlier, settling down comfortably this time with his boyfriend's fingers tightly tangled in his own.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: A discussion about Jimmy

Resting back against the couch and crossing his legs Tom took a sip of his wine, giving Kyle a minute to gather his thoughts. He then slid his glass over the edge of the polished top of the coffee table to sit it beside Kyle's untouched drink. Tom then rested his head on his elbow and focused intently on Kyle's face as he watched the younger man take a deep breath and start talking.

"Tom, I'm probably going to ramble through this and I'm sorry if I repeat myself or something doesn't come out right or I get upset."

Tom squeezed Kyle's hand in support, replying "Don't worry about it, Kyle. Just talk to me."

Kyle sighed before jumping into the problem. "Jimmy, he's an absolute mess and I just don't know what to do any more. He's just so lost and he can't seem to figure out how to sort his life out. I've tried to help but nothing I do ever seems to be enough; no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to fix him. He needs to find the strength to do it for himself, to change because he needs to and wants, not because I want him to. I think normally he just tries for my sake; I'm not even sure that he sees himself as someone worth saving. Until he figures that out, Tom, I'm not sure if things will change. And things have to change. It isn't fair on either of us to keep going on like this." Agitation swept through his voice as he exclaimed "He was a complete jerk tonight! I trusted him not to tell anyone I'd cheated on Blake! Well, I probably would would have told Blake when I broke up with him since he deserved an explanation, but the whole world didn't need to know about it! No matter what I do, Jimmy just keeps screwing everything up. I've tried supporting him in every way I can and I think the only thing left is to kick him out, see if cutting him off from me is enough for him to realise he has to change." He paused to press his lips together in distress.

"But you don't want to kick him out, that's the problem, isn't it?" Tom enquired gently.

"Yes." Turmoil laced through his tone, Kyle cried out. "God, this is killing me! We grew up together and I love him like he's my brother so the thought of kicking him out, it feels... it feels like I'm betraying him." Kyle's head drooped and he stared down at the tight bone weave of the couch cushions, absentmindedly picking at the threads. "I'm all he has." He lifted his head back up, pain and guilt resonating out toward Tom. "His family is awful and he's chased away everyone else because he's always lashing out when he gets angry or upset. I'm still angry at him because of what he did tonight but I've had a few hours to cool down and I know attacking others is his default pain response. But that doesn't make it okay and I can't just keep letting it go. And I don't think me giving him unwavering support, cleaning up after him, forgiving him almost immediately when he screws up, I don't think it's the right thing anymore. It just isn't working. So I'm hoping that cutting him off from me will make him realise that things have to change, that he can't keep going on like this." The sides of his lips tilted up into a melancholy smile as his voice wavered. "I remember how he used to be when we were kids. We used to have so much fun together. He was such a wonderful best friend when something went wrong too, always standing up for me. We could tell the other anything and know it would stay just between us. That's part of what made it hurt so much tonight when he broke my trust and told everyone about you, about us, especially when he made it sound so awful." He sighed deeply, reaching out to clasp the narrow stem of his wine glass and take a long draught, letting the rich liquid roll over his tongue and provide a momentary distraction from the memories.

Tom let him reflect quietly, keeping their fingers tangled together as he rubbed his thumb soothingly over Kyle's palm. A long swallow later with the faint tannic aftertaste lingering on his lips, Kyle returned that glass to the table with a dull thud and carried on. "I usually forgive him pretty easily and maybe that's not actually helping him." Closing his eyes, he rubbed his hand across his forehead in frustration. "I don't know. I thought it was the right thing to do, to give him extra slack because I know he's not well. Now I'm not sure. Maybe it's holding him back from taking responsibility for the consequences of his actions. Maybe if he has to get used to being there for himself, he can beat this thing and actually get better." He took another sip of his wine, letting the flavour dance across his tastebuds as he stared down through the burgundy swirl in his glass, wishing the answers were written there. "But what if it's not the right thing to do? What if it doesn't work and I just make things worse for him? What if I'm only considering this because I'm angry at him for tonight? I feel so guilty even thinking about it." Kyle paused for a moment, pressing his lips together tightly enough to restrict the blood flow. White lipped, he continued. "Tom, I'm terrified that cutting him off from me might only make him worse. Right now, I think I'm the only stable person in his life. What if he turns to his brother? He's the one that got him hooked on cocaine and trying everything else under the sun in the first place, not exactly someone Jimmy can rely on. He punched Jimmy last time he went back there to find his old notebook for Hit List, and again at the Bombshell opening. Adam's a drug dealer for God's sake!" Kyle exclaimed, breaking off with ragged breathing. He jolted to his feet, unable to sit quietly any longer and nearly dislodging the wine glasses from the table in his rush.

Tom followed him upright, standing far enough away that they weren't touching but close enough for Kyle to step into his arms if he wanted. He felt helpless as he quirked his mouth to the side, not sure what Kyle needed at that moment. Tom didn't have the answers to Kyle's questions and he knew that Kyle wasn't really expecting him to. Kyle just needed to say his thoughts aloud and try to sort through them.

"God, I'm sure that where he is tonight and it's not safe for him. And I feel like if I kick him out, that's where he's going to go and if he overdoses or someone hurts him or something it will be my fault because I pushed him away." His shoulders slumped, matching the defeated tone of his voice. "But then he could easily OD while he's staying with me too. He's always mixing drugs together so he's definitely at high risk of something going horribly wrong." Kyle's breathing hitched, his throat tightening with emotion. "Tom, I'm terrified that if things don't change, I'm going to come home one day and find him lying dead on the floor." Tears started slipping down his cheeks at the thought of losing his best friend. "And I would feel like it was my fault for not doing enough to save him."

Tom moved closer to run his free hand soothingly over Kyle's back at the sight of Kyle's tears, pulling him into a gentle embrace and gently manoeuvring them back onto the couch.

Kyle kept his head tucked into the other man's shoulder, accepting the comfort as he continued to speak, his words muffled but audible. "I don't know what to do Tom. If I kick him out I might just force him into his brother's arms. But we can't keep doing this. The way he's acting now, it already feels like I've lost my best friend." Shaking his head, Kyle sat back slightly, still encircled in Tom's strong arms as he looked into Tom's eyes and saw the pained empathy reflected there. "I've tried to convince to go to rehab, he won't. He says he doesn't need it. I've tried to convince him to see a psychiatrist, he won't do that either. He won't go to Alcoholics or Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Somehow he has got it into his head that none of those will help and he only gets angry when I try to help or try to encourage him to stop or try to appeal to him intellectually. Then he lashes out at me. I can't just keep forgiving him and telling him it's fine. Because it's not fine, he's not fine and we're not fine. Nothing ever changes and I have to try something new. And I can't see any other option but to kick him out." He gave a deep, shuddering sigh as he finished. "You're a good listener Tom. Thank you for just letting me talk, I needed to get that out."

Tom responded softly "I could see that. I'm sorry Kyle, I don't what the right thing to do here is. I'm not going to pretend that I've been in this situation with a close friend and I don't know Jimmy well enough to say what he'd do in response to your actions. But I do know two things; that you know him better than anyone else and that you're trying to do the best thing for him. You're not doing this to punish him and you're right that he can't keep doing this for his own sake, not just yours." He picked up his wine, tapping his fingers rhythmically against the fragile stem as he carefully considered the situation. "I do have an idea but there's something I need to ask first. Have you ever kicked him out before? Or threatened to kick him out?

Kyle looked up at him hopefully at the suggestion his boyfriend might have an idea. He shook his head quickly. "No, no I haven't. I always tried to be supportive and I didn't want him to feel like he was all alone in the world so no, no matter how mad I was at him I never told him I'd kick him out. Are you suggesting that I might be able to threaten to kick him out if he doesn't change and not actually do it?" His brow furrowed. "But what if he doesn't believe that I'll actually do it and he just goes on like he has been, a word of apology and no real change? I'll still have to kick him out."

Tom nodded sadly, hating how much pain this was causing Kyle. Addiction was such a terrible, insidious thing that hurt so much more than the person suffering in its grasp. "Yes, you will." He sighed. "Kyle, I don't know if threatening him will be enough, and you will definitely have to carry through on your threat if he doesn't make a genuine change. I know that's going to be incredibly hard for you. You have such a beautiful heart and kicking out your best friend when he's a mess is clearly tearing you apart. But this might be a third option for you, somewhere between things continuing as they have been and kicking him out. It might make him feel like he has a choice; that you've laid out his options and the consequences and it's up to him what he chooses to do. It might help him to have that. Even if it doesn't change things for him, I think it will help you to give him the choice before cutting him off completely."

Kyle nodded slowly, his brow still creased in concern. "But what if he chooses his brother? Chooses drugs over me?

Tom shrugged helplessly. "I don't know, Kyle. There are just some things he has to figure out for himself and you won't be able to fix him unless he's willing to be helped."

Kyle sighed. "Right. Yeah, I know." He slid his hand tiredly through his hair. "Until he's ready to try and get better, there is a limit to how much I can do. These last months have made that obvious. I suppose that I could tell him that no matter what he chooses, he can always come back when he's ready to get better, or if it's an emergency and he desperately needs help. After that, I've done everything I can think of and the rest is up to him." Mind firmly made up, he stated decisively "I'll tell him tomorrow." He looked up earnestly at his boyfriend. "Thank you Tom. I know nothing is resolved but at least I feel like I can put it out of mind for a few hours and get some sleep now that I've talked about it with you."

Tom smiled faintly at him. "I'm glad I could help." He squeezed Kyle's hand gently as he carefully scrutinised Kyle's features. "I know it's late, but before you go to bed I want to know if you're okay. I didn't ask before because you obviously needed to talk about Jimmy first, but I'm worried about you too. I can see how much it hurts you that you can't fix him, how much it pains you to even consider kicking him out. And from what you said on the phone earlier you had an awful night. So, are you okay?"

Kyle sighed, sliding closer to Tom, pressing into their bodies together and maintaining his grip on his boyfriend's hand. "Yes, I'm okay Tom. I'm always okay when it comes to Jimmy. I have to be okay for both of us."

Tom declared quietly. "You don't always have to be okay when you're with me. I'm not always going to be okay either and I don't want to feel like I have to hide that from you. I don't want to start this between us if we're only going to hide how we feel from one another."

Kyle observed softly "I know, I don't want to hide from you either. And I do want to date you." He grinned, his eyes flicking to the side as a newly fond memory played in the front of his mind. "Besides, if you're always as adorably anxious as you were at Bombshell's invited dress when you have a new show and you're not okay, then I might even enjoy it a little. I know you were really worried and I did feel a tiny bit guilty that I was enjoying your discomfort but it was sweet to see how much you cared." Connecting his gaze back to Tom's, Kyle finished seriously. "I really am alright. Yes, I'm upset and embarrassed and I had a horrible night between everything with Jimmy, Blake and Hit List. But you being here has helped more than you know and I feel much better. As for the rest, I just... can we leave it for now, please? It's 2AM and I'm exhausted. So right now, I just want to go bed."

Tom nodded, tiredness wearing at his mind too. "Sure, that's absolutely fine. Kyle, do you want me to stay?"

Kyle stared at his boyfriend incredulously for a long moment. "Tom, I'm not going to make you drive home at 2 in the morning! Anyway, I want you to stay. Um, I was kind of hoping..." He trailed off, slowly moving closer, making his intention clear before he kissed Tom, lingering to enjoy the remnants of the wine on his boyfriend's lips before pulling away and standing up. Kyle held out his hand in invitation, clasping Tom's when he too stood and leading him to bed.

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Author's note: Hi everyone! So, I finally finished this chapter - I'm sorry for the delay and I hope you enjoyed it even though you had to wait so long! I'd love to hear what you think. Cheers, Rose


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: Hi everyone! Some story news - I've changed the rating to M because the first scene in this chapter contains sex. So please don't read the first section if you're too young, or if you would simply prefer not to read a sex scene. The end of the scene is clearly marked with a line across the page so you can easily skip reading it altogether if you'd like. It won't affect the storyline; you'll just have a short chapter. For those who do intend to read it - I've never even tried to write a sex scene before so I really hope it turned out all right! I was definitely nervous about posting it so please let me know what you think! Cheers, Rose

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Chapter 4: The wonders of three hours sleep

Kyle threw back the drapes that separated his bedroom from the main living area and spun so his thighs rested back against the bed. Locking his gaze onto Tom's, he tugged Tom close and stepped into him, completely eliminating the distance between them. Distance was precisely what he didn't want right now. Kyle grazed his fingertips up the back of Tom's neck, eliciting a shiver from his boyfriend as he moved to slant their lips together. Kyle was reveling in the languorous slide of Tom's lips over his; in Tom's closeness and his taste, unmistakable under the delicious wine they'd enjoyed. Momentarily distracted at that thought, Kyle swept his tongue over Tom's as he pondered. Yep, the wine definitely tasted better from Tom's lips. But he had better things to do than think about that. Gripping onto Tom more tightly, Kyle tilted his head to change the angle of the kiss, kissing his lover as his heart gradually picked up speed. He could feel the corresponding increase in Tom's heart thumping against his chest, even through the layers of material separating them. Those unnecessary barriers had to go; Kyle wanted to feel that beat against his skin. Kyle slid his hands across Tom's chest, slipping under the lapels of his jacket to gently push it over his shoulders. Released from its hold, the jacket plummeted to the floor. Kyle then went to work on Tom's shirt, unbuttoning and removing it efficiently before running his hands across Tom's bare chest with abandon, relishing the way the muscles twitched under his touch.

Tom quickly returned the favour, breaking kiss briefly to gather the hem of Kyle's sweater, tug it over his head and toss it aside. Since they'd already had to stop kissing, Tom dispensed with Kyle's shirt too as his boyfriend deftly unbuckled and discarded their belts. Tom folded his arms back around the incredible man in front of him and sank into his kiss. Tom had been worried about Kyle earlier, about how upset he'd been so having him tucked in his arms and responding to every glide of his tongue and brush of his fingertips was wonderful. He was relishing the expanse of Kyle's warm skin as his hands skimmed over his boyfriend. Kicking off his shoes, he tumbled them backwards onto the bed, surprised when the suspension was far springier than he'd expected and they bounced. Luckily, they managed to avoid any errant elbows ending up planted into someone's stomach as they flailed around briefly before recovering their balance. Once the world had stopped spinning, Tom slid one leg between Kyle's and propped himself up on his elbows with a laugh. "That worked better in my head."

Kyle's eyes were dark with desire and amusement as he joined Tom in bright laughter. As it subsided to a grin, he replied. "Yeah, it was a little uncoordinated. But it was fun." As he spoke, Kyle's fingers traversed the length of Tom's spine, exploring the gentle rise and fall of his musculature with every breath his boyfriend took. Tonight, Kyle decided, this was exactly what he wanted. Feeling Tom move deep inside him as he alternated between gazing into his boyfriend's beautiful blue irises and kissing him. Kyle requested "Can we... just like this?"

The lowered pitch of his voice sent sparks surging through Tom's veins. "Yeah, that sounds perfect." Gasping as Kyle canted his hips upward, Tom pressed openmouthed kisses just below Kyle's ear and asked "Supplies?" He wanted to get the necessities out now instead of having to pause things later when they were both desperate and scramble to find them.

"Bedside table, top drawer."

Tom quickly shifted to grab a condom and lube and toss them onto the bed before turning back to Kyle. Only a thin blue ring was visible around the dark, dilated pupils. At the emotion he could see in Tom's eyes, warm affection mingled with raw desire, Kyle surged up to kiss him. It felt incredible, Tom's lean body pressing him into the soft mattress as their tongues slid across one another. Kyle let his fingers dance down Tom's spine, smoothing over the dimples at the base to tuck tantalisingly just under the hem of Tom's jeans, fingertips digging in gently. Right, the jeans had to go; they were restricting his access and Tom's movement. Kyle slithered his hand between them, unbuttoning and unzipping as he went. He undid his own pants too; lifting his hips as Tom helped tug the material off. Together they managed to coordinate kicking everything to the floor and Kyle brought Tom's hips back down to nestle against his own. Finally they were lying naked against one another, no more unnecessary barriers fixed between them.

As they gazed at one another, their world shrinking to the depths of the other's eyes, Tom tipped his head forward to nuzzle his nose against Kyle's. Their breaths melded in the cool early morning air as he murmured "Hi."

Kyle's lips swept upwards. "Hi." Lifting his chin, Kyle kissed his lover thoroughly, enjoying the resulting frisson of excitement curling at the base of his spine. Deciding that he wanted to take his time tonight, he wrapped his arms tightly around his lover's back, pressing them firmly together. Kyle grazed his toes up Tom's calf before planting his foot firmly against the bed as he shifted his left hand to protectively cradle Tom's head. Kyle then used his bent leg as leverage to flip them over in one fluid motion. Settling comfortably between Tom's legs, and languidly rocking their hips together, Kyle kissed the gasp of surprise off Tom's lips. He soon moved to press lingering kisses along Tom's jaw and trail down his neck.

Tom slid his hand into Kyle's hair in response, his other arm firm at the small of Kyle's back. Tilting his head to the side and arching his neck into Kyle's touch, Tom breathlessly offered "Nice move."

Kyle lifted his head to hover over Tom's, a infectious grin sweeping across his lips as laughter danced in his eyes. "I thought so. And it worked even better than in my head."

Tom chuckled, contented warmth momentarily overriding the heated anticipation writhing in him. "Yep. So what are you planning on doing with me?"

Kyle bit his bottom lip slightly, considering what he wanted to do with his brand new boyfriend stretched out trustingly beneath him.

Tom realised that Kyle biting his lip like that just wasn't fair to his sanity. Tom lifted his head and kissed him, gently tugging Kyle's lip free of its prison and taking his time deepening the kiss before pulling back to let Kyle answer.

"I haven't decided yet. I think I'll just start here..." he brushed his hand down Tom's neck, chasing his fingertips with his lips into the hollow of Tom's throat. Tom moaned, the sound vibrating against Kyle's lips and making him smile even as it sent his heart rate up a few notches. "And see where I end up."

Tom took a deep breath, letting some of the tension building in his muscles relax as he slowly released the air from his lungs. He knew that with Kyle the wait would well be worth it. Besides, the anticipation itself was kind of fun; the way it left him feeling breathtakingly alive as his heart thrummed and every nerve fibre focused solely on Kyle, waiting eagerly to signal his touch.

Kyle trailed his lips leisurely down Tom's chest, detouring frequently off his downward trajectory to explore almost every inch of Tom's chest. He lavished attention on Tom's nipples, switching between his swirling his tongue and skating the pads of his fingers over them in tight circles, all the while delighting in Tom's gasps. He swept a feather light kiss across the side of Tom's stomach, the muscles quivering under his touch as Tom let out an involuntary giggle. Kyle quickly rubbed his hand over Tom's side firmly, transforming the teasing caress into a pleasurable one. "Sorry! I know you're ticklish. I didn't mean that to be quite so light."

His breath hitching, Tom threw one arm over his eyes and left his other still tucked into Kyle's hair. "It's fine. But if your plan is to drive me crazy then you're succeeding."

Kyle lifted heavy-lidded eyes to analyse Tom's face. "Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?"

Lifting his arm off his eyes to meet Kyle's, Tom exclaimed "God, no! I want you. Just please do something!"

Kyle chuckled, grinning against his lover's skin before nosing down the crease of Tom's thigh and planting his forearm firmly across Tom's hips as they twitched upward. Kyle then decided that as much fun as Tom's reactions were, he'd tortured his boyfriend enough for one night. With that thought, he bent forward to take Tom in his mouth.

Tom's hips jolted upward, straining against Kyle's forearm. God, Kyle was good at this. Too good if he wanted this to last for very long. It was only a couple of minutes before Tom tugged Kyle back up with a ragged moan, kissing him desperately and messily as he tried to draw in enough air. Breaking the kiss completely wasn't an option he wanted to employ, even if his lungs were protesting a little at their treatment. Swapping their positions would help. He pushed at Kyle's shoulders and twisted his hips, rolling them over easily and settling on his side propped half on top of Kyle. Tom moved away from Kyle's tempting lips to suck and nip gently at his boyfriend's throat, careful not to leave any marks even as Kyle moaned and pushed into his touch. As Kyle's neck arched off the bed, Tom managed to slide one arm underneath Kyle's head, his wrist curving around Kyle's shoulder in a partial embrace. Tom glided his other hand down the planes of Kyle's chest and stroked over his boyfriend's erection, savouring the way Kyle gasped out his name and shuddered beneath him. Focusing on Kyle was managing to simultaneously inflame his desire and let him regain a measure of control as his mind cleared slightly. Lifting his hand, Tom scrabbled beside them in the sheets, searching for the distinct shape of the lube bottle he'd tossed there earlier. Connecting with it, he closed his fingers around it tightly, bringing it toward them as he dropped a kiss over Kyle's racing heart. Tom then snapped back the top of the lube, a soft snick echoing in the quiet room.

Kyle's eyes snapped open at the faint noise. He knew what that noise meant.

At the sudden motion, Tom checked "Are you okay?"

Kyle breathed out "Yeah, Tom. Want you." He brought his hand up to slot his fingers into Tom's, clutching tightly. He ran his other hand up Tom's back to his neck, bringing their lips together as Tom slicked his fingers.

Tom took his time, kissing his boyfriend deeply as he carefully and thoroughly prepared Kyle. He pulled away as he slipped his fingers out, eliciting a whimpered protest from Kyle. Tom grabbed the condom, rolling it on and adding more lube before stroking Kyle's cheek with his other hand until Kyle opened his eyes. "Hey, Kyle. Ready?"

His cheeks flushed and brain absolutely flooded with arousal, Kyle only managed to answer, "Yes." He crashed their lips together as Tom slid into him and they both moaned into the kiss. After a minute, when he'd adjusted to the stretch, Kyle opened his eyes and rocked up against his boyfriend. In the midst of the pleasure radiating through him with every thrust of Tom's hips, a stray thought occurred to Kyle. Earlier, he'd wanted this night to be just about them, to forget about the world and focus on nothing beyond their connection and the synchronous movement of their bodies. And in that moment, it was. Nothing mattered except Tom's eyes intent upon his own, Tom's hands entangled with his; the warm weight of Tom's body pressing into him, the slip of their sweat-slickened skin as they moved together. He wanted it to last forever even as he came with Tom's name on his lips and Tom's voice echoed with his own.

* * *

Tom groaned at the incessant blaring tugging his mind out of blissful sleep tangled together with his new boyfriend. He cracked his eyes open to try and find the offending alarm, quickly realising it was sitting on Kyle's bedside table on the other side of the bed. Reaching it seemed an impossible task at that moment; it was way too early to attempt clambering over Kyle to turn it off. Recognising that Kyle was stirring as the noise intensified, Tom instead tightened his arms around his boyfriend and asked blearily, "Why so early? Do we have to get up? We didn't get to sleep 'til after three."

Kyle flung his arm out to blindly whack at his alarm, sighing in relief at the sudden silence when he connected on his fourth try. He then rolled back into Tom, resting half on top of him and tucking his face into Tom's neck to shield his eyes from the morning light. His speech slurring with exhaustion, Kyle replied. "Jimmy's fault." He lay there for a few more minutes, slowly waking up and gathering up the energy to continue more coherently. "We have to rehearse with his understudy all day because Jimmy got fired. Rehearsal starts at 8 and I wanted to stop for coffee on the way. The stuff at MTW is awful and we've only got instant here at home. So six thirty it is. Don't you remember me setting it last night?"

Tom groaned again. Somehow hearing the hour made it seem even earlier. "Vaguely. But it didn't sound so terrible then." A definite whine crept into his voice. "Can't you ignore it and come back to bed?" Six wasn't such an awful hour by itself but after going to sleep after 3 it was definitely way too early. Even if part of the reason they only had three hours sleep was because they were busy having fantastic sex. Kyle shook his head slightly where it was resting against Tom's neck. Tom took that as his cue to continue. "No? God, I'm too old for this. I swear running on almost no sleep used to be easier. And I hate instant coffee."

Kyle chuckled at Tom's grumbling and planted a kiss on Tom's neck before lifting his head, sitting up and kissing him solidly on the lips. "You're not old. You're gorgeous. At least we got some sleep, but yeah, it's going to be a very long day. You're normally cheerier than this in the morning and after last night I would definitely have expected you to be a little... happier. Is something wrong or are you just really tired?"

Tom stretched his arms over his head with a groan before sitting up to join his boyfriend, the blue-striped top sheet pooling in his lap. He skimmed his fingers across Kyle's cheek and leaned in for another kiss. "Nothing's wrong; I'm just exhausted. Last night was incredible. It was definitely worth how much today's going to hurt. Uh, normally I'm only cheery in the morning if I've slept well. Or had coffee." His tone turned wry. "Lots and lots of coffee. Fixing Bombshell in one day before previews, I had something like seven cups of coffee before even starting work at 9." He dropped his head into his palm. "Then people kept fetching me coffee because they were trying to help. All day. At one point my hands were shaking so much that I could barely write notes."

Kyle laughed again "Oh, Tom. I can see now how you managed to fix all of the problems. You must have been able to run around multitasking after that much coffee." Kyle forced his mind to focus back on getting ready for the morning. He'd rather stay in bed, curling back up with his boyfriend and getting some more sleep but it wouldn't look good for entire writing team to be late to Hit List's rehearsal. There wasn't much hope that the composer would be on time so he'd better hurry things along. "Right, I'm sorry Tom, but I've really got get up." Slipping out of bed, he turned back to Tom and offered, "I can make you some instant coffee after I have a quick shower. It will at least have caffeine. Or you can go back to sleep for a bit. But I should warn you that our hot water system shower is good for about 10 minutes of hot water a day, so you should probably hurry up if you don't want a cold shower. Or you could join me." As Tom immediately perked up and slid out of bed, ambling over to him with a yawn, Kyle grinned. He'd thought that might work. They were probably both too tired to do much more than kiss under the warm cascading water but it would still be nice. Kyle slotted his fingers into his lover's as he pulled the curtain that separated his bedroom from the living room aside. The room was lit with early morning light, the first rays of sunlight just beginning to peep through the windows as the sun rose. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful sunny day. If only the outlook for Jimmy were as promising.


End file.
